make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
