When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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