Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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