I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
