So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
