There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
