that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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