New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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