i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
there is glitter all over my balls
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
