I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
