let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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