She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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