Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
im holly from the hills drunk
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
