Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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