He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
