I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Michael Bay diarrhea
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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