I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
