would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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