And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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