3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
