My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
