the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
