Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
