Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
