she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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