Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
