how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
