i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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