Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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