Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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