He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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