I want to walk on stilts...naked
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
