At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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