Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
