You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
