win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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