I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
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