Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
