if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize