I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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