At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
