So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
