3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
not ubering you a puppy
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
