Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i believe in u and ur pee
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