You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
