Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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