It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
