Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
