look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
