its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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