You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
