i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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