I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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