And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
They have beer where we have blood.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
