She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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