She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
