I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
