you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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