I murdered the dance floor call the cops
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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