I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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