he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she pinky promised me she was 18
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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