last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Randomize
