the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
