I need to stop coming to work sober
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
