Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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