she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
