plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
