You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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