Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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