I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
