She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
