am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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