I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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