dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
