I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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