yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
