the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
