I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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