How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
