I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
