I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you will always have a special place in my vag
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
