Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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