What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
