I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
