I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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