So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
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