I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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