Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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