Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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