New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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